A Reminder

So at times i still struglle with hallucinating thoughts.... God showed me something that i want to hold onto. I began looking through my famils pictures and it made me realize how much i love them. There is no way this is all fake and if it is then you got me :) I love my family to much and i love God even more. I am utterly blessed and my Dad always gives me what i need. Utterly free in Christ :)

Ah what peace in Christ

WHat a glorious night! God is letting me know im his! What peace there is to know that Christ is on your side! If GOd is for me who can be against me. I am never alone :) HOW GOOD THAT FEELS!!! I am learning to just trust GOd because he is good. At times i hear these lies saying man your going to get bored blah blah blah.. Cause thats what that is! God created me so he knows WHAT IS BEST FOR ME!!!! THANK YOU FATHER that i have a connection with you and that you lead me! I Would want no else to do it! THank you for knowing me And i love you so much! You are my laugther, my strenth, my rest my creator and MY BEST FRIEND! i want know one else and you are all i need. THanks for being my friend!

Part of your family, Mark David Watson

Confused

I have felt quite worthless lately... The more i read the world.. The more i seem to feel inadequate and worthless.... This is one of the reasons i distanced myself from God in the first place... I felt that in God i suck.... Its like i seek riggneious but i fall so short.. I keep analzying past parts of my life and future parts.. I have always been so hard and myself and it now is getting worse... I need to start building myself up instead of tearing myself down.. yes im a sinner but im forgiven i seek rigenious but i must trust that God is working in me... To be mad at me now is to be mad at God saying he is poor at working.. Im his and i put my faith in him.. I am no longer going to worry about sin or past sin or future sin.. I am going to live in the moment and build myself up.. I am going to be a strong tower of joy because God has chosen me... GOd will lead me in the moment.. I cant go my whole like living in guilt and blame.. no where in the bible does it say to do this.. These are lies trying to distant me from Jesus... I rest in love... i rest in jesus.. I love my friends, i am always there for them, i bring joy to the room, i am usually non judgmental, i am loyal, funny, random, spontaneous, full of great knowledge and i am GOD incrediable work in progess. :)

A reminder of an experience

So i am getting closure to the accident but i do what to remind myself of some things that i should never forget......

Jesus is the leader of my life....I was not letting JEsus guide my path before this and this accident taught me JESUS MUST COME FIRST.... Remember you didnt get an obligation you won a best friend in Christ! NEver forget that

The bible is the truth--- You read it to know Christ, the holy spirit and Gods heart... There is no greater truth then the word

Dont let the small things get to you.... Death is real and why waste a moment letting things get to you...

Life is a gift dont waste it :)

Jesus putting rest in my heart

So i talked to johnny today and it put rest in my heart... First jesus says to love love love and i because of christ i have love in my heart : Forgive and love :)

So that night what happend was after taking the shrooms i began hullicnating... THe song train to hell was plying and i began to freak out.. I thought JOhnny was the devil..... I wanted to talk to marc G or Sean downey because i know they know JC. Johnny woudnt let me call cause he wanted to exp[lain the situation to Marc G. First.. Sadly MArc is saved as ISh so this was not an option... I Began to attack Johnny becasue i thought he was robbing me of my salvation... He pinned me down on the ground and i began to yell jesus christ is the savior of my sins...He covered my mouth because i was yelling so loud he did not want to disturb the neighbors.... I hallucinated now and thought he had a knife to me and i had to choose who my god was.... THe hallucinations told me that jesus was not my savior but i held true to my belif.... This meant that the final test which has scarred me so much was who is my savior.... At this point the hallucaiton was trying to trick me to say anything else but jesus.. since JEsus is the savior of my my sins.... he continued to cover my mouth which scared me even more....I was terrified i was going to loose my salvation.... HE enveually just let me sit their and yell since there was nothing that could be done.... The test was was i willing to die for christ? Well of course not... Christ died for me !!! So the final test was showing a knice who did i choose for my salvation -- the world or christ.... I choose christ... shorty after this took place johnny had his friend come over to watch me... HE asked me if i knew tyler but i was non respondent...

Rember that night ..... I was tested 3 times and the answer was always JESUS..... i would go further and rugther down until the final time i see the knife and i have to answer Jesus Christ.... THis is all based off JC ... my haluciation ask me was i willing to die for what i belived ... I chose Jesus .... Right after the second trial i frekaed out even more cause i felt the devil" johnny was trying to trick me". The 3rd one freaked me out so much becasue the knife is as close to my heart as it can get and i must answer jesus... at this point my mouth is compltelly covered and its like i am out of body trying to say jesus to my other self but it cant here..... At this point i dont recall what i said... jesus!!!.....

Also in my dream last night " i was freaked out about me and the 3 things i had to do" In my dream i went back to that moment with johnny and y dream self had past the test but it was very hard".... Then i felt i had to do the same...

SO the things to know... this is all based off me winning my salvation and proclaiming the name of christ.... Well luckly we dont have to do that or earn salvation becasue its a gift given by JESUS... I already have it :) These were hallucinations and completelly lies... I now feel i can move on and enjoy my relaitonship even more with CHrist :) LOVE !

Even the hallucinations in the hosptial were about winning my slavations... its why i would do awana songs and other thigns i was contally fighting for my salvation... You cant win your salvation its a gift :) AMEN!

The blessings

I want to remind myself how much Christ has done for me

First my life was saved and Marcs.. The lord protected us :)

THe lord has given me a incrediably family , Dan , nate, Mom, Dad, Grdnma, Grandpa, Dallas, Steve, Shell, jenna who have been by my side :) They have showed me christ love and it has been over whelming

THe lord is helping me combat the lies by shoing me grace and love... I know love because of Christ

A reminder to help me

I took a drug that makes me hallucinate

First night Johnny becomes the devil- the dream seem to be focued on me having to win my salvation…. Well salvation is a term from the bible and so is Jesus the devil is from the bible as well….. How can this be greater then god ? It cant be… meaning do I belive in the bible? YES and JESUS YES! Then he would not want me digging into this….

Every part of the dream has me working for my salvation…..

I followed the dream and it said it was time to die for Christ-
my own words were " ITs dime to Die for Christ" Christ does not want me dying.. It had me masterbate for Christ…. Christ woudnt want me doing these things…. Its simple it was a drug I took and it caused all of this.. All evidence backs this up even when I try to get in the state.. I have trouble cause I no longer have a drug… all I can do is give myself anxiety attacks= I took a drug that lied to me and I have to let go …

Even when i go into the deeper state which i cant even do any more- THey are all random things from my past.... It wants me hurting myself... For what? I rember one night i went as deep as i could go and then i was just stuck..... Rember to ... I believ the phone was GOd calling me .... a 4:30 in the morning! It was my alarm! Time is up is what happends when you leave the alarm on 2 long....

Everything is answered with YOUR SAVED- ITs not by works of rigeious which we can boast but according to his mercy he saved us through the washing of regneraious and the renewing of the holy spit... in esence you cant do anything for salvation its a free GIFT!!

I believd my family were evil- THey have loved me my whole life- THey believe in GOD and our fellow believers.. IF anything this drug just wants to seperate me from my family... I wont let it ... I love them to much...

Look at Jesus life it was nothing but love= Christ = love….. Christ wants his light to shine thorugh me.. I cant do that by belieing in a lie “the hallucinations”

THe last thing i ws suppose to geep going deeper and deper... I rember i get to the red zone which shows a knife- then it ends... WHat am i suppose to do kill myself?- This is terrible GOd would never want me doing that... Christ didnt even do that... HE died for our sins .... So i must let that image goo.... Rember i went as deep as i could go and even attempted to bite off my tongue... nothing really happend.. the arguent could be i didnt have enoguh faith but once again faith is a cocept from the bible... WHich comes back to ... DO i belive in the BIBLE!!! YES!!! !.... THe effects were so powerful the first night because that is when the drug was mostly in me... SO REMBER YOU TOOK A DRUG NO NOT a drug of christ.. YOU TOOK A REAL DRUG!!

Even that night with Johnny- YEs it felt demonic but how coudnt it.. He was playing terrible music... i was drugged... Of course its going to feel like an out of body experience... But rember i took a drug..

ALso these hallucinations kept changing.... one night

THat oen night- i coudnt go any farther because i didnt rember the exact passage from the bible-- ONCE AGAIN ITS ALL FROM THE BIBLE!!!! Read the word buddy ...!!! IT is joy not pain ... SO LOOK even as deep as i feel this stuff was and real.. It want me to sufer for salvation and its simple CHRIST MY TRUE LORD AND SAVIOR who came and lived the ultimate life of love and was sinless... DIED ON THE CROSS FOR MY Salvation and i plan to hold on to that truth for the remainder of my days :)

one thing that conufuses me.... the 3rd thing shows a knife .... but once again ... I AM not christ.... CHRIST DIED FOR MY mins...... HE DOES NOT Want this for me!!! I took a drug!

The request are all things from the bible - IF your eye causes you to sin gauge it out... penis you struggle with take it off.... I got the eye one straight form the bible.... one again the bible woudnt truely want me doing any of these things....

I saw my family... I became Billy christ and my dad was Ernest CHrist....It looked like my dad but wasnt..... My family is loviing here

HA so i rember now! I use to look at the sun and say things like up down left right a is to salvation.... all of it even the red zone was a thing from my past.... :) amazing the mind of a child :)
Rember i TOOK A DRUG!!

Living a life of ease

SO this is watson 2.0 i say that cause God saved me from certain death


It has me thinking allot about the lord and lfie in general... The truth is in order to honor god you have to let go of control... Dont worry true trust in jesus needs to be that ... true trust that you are saved through faith not work.... SO let go of control itsw not by works of rigeousneous that we have done but acording to his mercy he saved us through the washing of regenerious and the newing by the holy spirit.. SO ITS NOT OUR WORK.. SO let go of contorl and have a child like faith :) The same should be applied to life in gernal... Let go of others throughts about you or how people perceive you... Be a child in life.. this doesnt mean to act in appreoriate instead it means to let go of others thoughts and let true joy CHRIST LOVe shine thorugh your life :)

one WOrd YOSHI!

THE CHAos of man is not falling on me any more

So i find that most peoples concerns have nothing to do with things i care about.. Then its time i stop letting them burden me with stuff. It brings me down.. So if they concern is truely small then i should let it stay small by moving on. I am done letting other peoples issues be my burden...

Exmple

Jon- fraternity stuff-- tell him dude i dont care be direct
lex- gossip- dont care or
johny- complaning about people- just doont care-
tom - complaning about some small issue- hey i got to go
Elsie- all about her... switch topic

facts are the best way to avoid their drama is to not listien to it... Just cut them off and move on.. Dont listein to crap .. Garbrage in then garbage out...

MArk W.

Things dont have to be complicating

Atae your inentions to others and dont play around the ball... People need to be direced but trutfully they need to take responsibilty... Make them do just that by being direct...

Mark W.

my mom

My mom has been the start of an unhealthy pattern... My obsession with trying to not offend others.. Growing up my humor which was my own self amusement was constally offensive to her. I was and to this day have to watch what i say to my mom or even thought of being dismissive without the worry of her lashing out.. A good example of this was at the hospital when she was being un reasonable. I told her to calm down and she lashed out. She said never speak in that tone... My mom is so freakin easily to offend that i consally worry that i am doing it to others. I hold back from my true persoanlity because i worry that others insecuriteis will take offense to my geuine enjoyment. I need to positve reinforcemyself- I never would try to hurt peoples feeling and if it happends its on them for having that insecurity. I can no longer cater to their inseucruitries or hold back my true persoanlity cause i am worrying of being offensive.. I am not offesnive dude i am one of the most loving people on the planet.. I am done worrying about offedning others and when or if i do it im not alzyuing shit.... From practically dying i have now reealized that some people read into shit that really doesnt exsist and i have out it on me to figure out... I dont want to live this way any more.. If others take offense to me its on them...

Self love is the only true love i can give myself apart from christ

Christ is my king

Mark

A link to my depression

You cant control others thoughts about what you meant.... So i realized lately that i anayzle if i hurt others feeling or what other people are feeling allot... So why do i do this and should i do this? Hell no... You dont know what other people are feeling or how they are interpreuting what you said... People all the time misplace what you say and make it sound terrible.. Even when your intentions were goo.d Hjoneslty if they do that then let them suffer. Dont let yourself be the suffer.. Mine started because my mom is so sensitive.. WIth her you have to analyze everything or risk hurting her feelings.. SO as a young child in order to avoid conflict i did just this.. In a way it has creasted a much healthier relatiohsip but has tamed me and my hapniess. I find with people i worry if i hurt their feling or if i am being to imposing. THe facts are my intentions are good and when they come out wrong... screw it.. I am human and my stuff gets misinterpretation like the rest.. Its not my fault that some people view things in negative light when it was not my inetions.. It sucks my mom does this quite a bit but i can no longer live with a filter or worry and concern that i hurt others feelings. THe facts our im a nice guy and i would never intenionally hurt someone elses feelings but if it happends it happends. No more cattering or anyzing in order to make sure others are doing ok.. Its taking away from my own hapniess way to much... I am done looking to see if i am getting interpretred ritght... my own hapniess is just to important.. THis type of anayzling lead to me drinking and cutting myself... No more.. Live free and dont give a damn what others think of you.. Facts our im a geuninly incrediable guy and my life needs to be free from self montering.. Love myself
MW

Fraternity

So i have gotten addicitred to trying to control the group... Luckly i am failing beyond any belief. I no longer feel comfortable in the group and my ego is telling me to stop going. Trufully things are going to just get worse until i learn to let go of the ego in this area of my life. My ego is completelly addicted to controlling group atmosphers. I dont go for my own enjoyment but instead to gain some form of social recongnition... I need to go to events not for social recongition but for enjoyment of talking to others. Being social for the sake of being social. No mission but instead to just enjoy... When not to go to events? When i am looking to value take or looking to control or when i am to tired to go to things. Then i should not go ... I am not there to enjoy but there out of a hidden ego... Cheers

You never will knowyourself but you should know your body

Lately the fountain has truely run dry... I am Fuckin exhuasted and feel overwhlemed.. I dont give myself breaks and it has taken a toll on my body.. It it very hard for me to do nothing... But i must learn to do exactely that... Give my self breaks. For me i rest best bymyself away from others. It is a time for me to clear my mind and just relax.. I need to start doing this allot more :)

When the ego comes out

Latley i have been having my ego come out in full force. This blog is to remind me of what i am not. I am not master pua or king of chicks. I am just a normal dude that has inserutiries like everyone else. I am not special or unhuman because of the things i have studied. It can be so easy to let the things i have studied make me a worse peron. WHy? Because when you have knowledge you began to think you know everything and expect the unimpossible from yourself. I need to let this ego go. No more talking about mentorship, pick up, the chicks in my life. I am doing this to feed an insercurity. Let go buddy ..... Truely be free :)

Mindset Shift

We talk about being and not doing.... Well i see it and im amazed.... I am finding myself becomming more and more centered. I feel the need to impress less and less.. I view myself as much more self worthy and relaxed. I feel my options with women is abudant. That i literally have thousands to choose from. So why is this happening? Being relaxed... I cant stress this enough... Learning to relax and just enjoy... Dont be reactive to anything just enjoy and take right action.... I am seeing this in a ton of areas in my life....From women, to finance to friends to strangers... I am allot more interested in what others have to say.. I am a listerner and a leader. I put no rules on myself and i just go with the flow... It feels so good and my anxiexty is at a all time low... I am not one itising or obessing over any women.. I dont care to think about them instead i care to expereience them. I am not looking to others to take traits from cause i feel mine our overly suficient. I feel great :) Ohh and my new place is rad

Being not doing

You cannot create attraction or real hapiniess in your life by doing something. For example you cant just ENTERTAIN her... Well you can but if you are choosing to do it you are truely not acting on your intentions... You cant choose to act on your own intentions.. Once again you are doing something.. Instead you have to become yourself.... SO how does one do this? Well you quit playing by societys rules and began to realze that allot of social condition is WRONG. You quit questioning yourself. You dont trying to figure out what she wants.. You figure out what makes you the most hapniess... SO me - I feel best when i am relaxed.... Calm.. plafyul and genuine with people. When i am going after the things that i want.. When i am truely just resting in the moment...

I see a huge difference in my demener which continously changes- WHen i use to go to clubs.. I had to get really high energy and had TO DO soemthing... I had to talk to girls... I had to entertain her.. I didnt feel much relaxation... Lately it has been the opposite... I dont feel like i have to do shit... My energy level is unique at each time but i am much more relaxed.... Its not that a high or low energy is bad... Its only a problem when you dont feel relaxed... So relaxing has been my most joyful thing as of lately... As i continue to relax .. my body will naturally just feel more comfortable in any given situation which continously will make my experience with people more enjoyable..

Cheers Mark

Ways to relax- Out of head, cooking, music, breathing.. OUt of head... smelling, feel your body.... smiling

The feeling that i cant go on

So a ruff night.... Confused but even now i need to take right action.... I have to let go... I cant keep questioning myself... Questioning yourself states that something is wrong with you and that you need to fix it... When you question yourself you take poor refereence expiereces and then find reason in why you suck,, you will always find flaws if you are looking for them... Instead you have to shift your thinking towards awesomeness. THe more you belive this the more you will naturally gravitate towards cool behaviors... So do what you want.. No guilt no trying to figure things out.... Just do you........ LET GO

Best regards,
Mark Watson

When you're your best you

Simply put.. you are your best you when you dont anlzyle.. you do things cause you want to not because you need to.. Being in your head is a distant thought.. You trust who you are.. You see you are cool not becasue others say so but because your standard is overly sufficneit for youself...Your life is not a bunch of thoughts but actions you take becasue you choose to in the moment..Your actions are doen because of a job but because of a desire... You dont have to worry about your actions in the moment because you are jjust "are cool" its not something you think about it.. its something you are

An ephinay of Ephinays

So i got stood up again.... It got me sad and it got me thinkin about the post i made at DSP retreat. The post was completlely depressing and about how i would always fail at women.. I was a real negative nancy :) The first thing that hit my midn after getting stood up was ... I give up.... I have tried to be this guy that girls like... I limit my humor and myself in order to create what i feel they want... geuss what.. that is exactely the mindset of an entertaimer man... See entertainer man is not living his life for himselelf. he has to constally figure himself out and calibrate... The truth is your life will suck in all areas until you let go of this idenity... To try to impress or to hold your persoanlity back in the name of women is a terrible thing.... Tyler says when you get this figured out "thats its all in your head" is the moment you see just how stupid that is... A part of me thinks that if i just be myself i will resort to acting crazy like some of my experiences in the club.. Well trufully allot of my time in the club was as entertainerman.. I wasn't there for my own fun.. I was there to look for aproval.. For instance me and Johnny were lauhing at the fact that we woudnt allow ourselfs to hang with friends at the club because that would be chode crystaling.. We put rules to everything we did... When you do this... You are automactically a entertainer man.. The picture i saw last night was with the girls i have crushed on with Another man who they were laughing with.. There was no need for seducation.. His enjoyment of his life was what she was falling for.. Not such well played seduction routine that she followed... So i say goodbye.. To a world of constant seeking of aproval, a world of constally questioning who i am .. A world of contant and depress plees for ephianys, a world of holding back from who i am... I give up caring what people think of me :)... My joy needs no ones stamp of approval.. I am Mark David Watson

Deeper down the rabiit whole

WHy on a depper level analying a women thoguths towards you make no sense... 1) You really dont know 2) you are now question yourself and recreating your image for her ... look were not sales people 3) You will change your behvaionrs in a bad way because you wont be in allignment with your self.... REMBER this.... THe moment is the only place you live.. Unless you see a terrible reation in the moment YOUR GOLDEN!!!

If you want to change a pattern..... Due what Todd told me... Work on one thing a week... Like this week i have told myself... Be more phycial..... I am learning to calibriate it more and more.. Rember with learning comes trial and error... When errors happen.. Dont let this effect you ... You should have your head up as high as usal because your congruent with yoru true life mission.... TAKING RIGHT ACTION!!

Ephiney DELUXE!!

Feel good! Alright so an old belief that made me so happy i have tossed away lately and its back! Look as a man its your job to be the shit! To be the man of action.. The man of awesomeness! His validation is not found through people or things. He is what he is and he takes right action for the love of his life..... Its very easy to belive that a women would help build this path... The facts is you should not dependendent on anything when it comes to this path... So to go deeper down the rabit hole... Getting inside a womens head to try to find hapiness is a terrible way to live.. See if you are being congruent on your path.. Then you will have women chasing you... Now i am not saying you dont take right action to meet them.. What i am saying is that because your strenth is alligned with yourself ... you naturally will be more attrarcie... An old weakness i use to have was analying A women thoguhts towards me... This is terrible for 2 reasons... 1 women our much more emotional base creatures.. they switch their process compltelly... Trying to anayzle her thoguhts towards you makes no sense because they arnt logical... So a logical brain trying to figure out a emotion brain wont work.. So don't try.... 2) A man is then seeking the approval contally of a women.. He is trying to see if she likes him or not instead of beliving the truth ... He is the shit.... See when he seek approval we are not being congruent with our true man path. TO lord life.. but in order to do that we must break apart from approval seeking and live life epically. Now obviously if you are way off the social mark you sometimes have to study things to get everything back in prospective.. But you need to study how women work not one women... See the differnce.. You are learning healthy patterns that make you congruent as a man.. WHen you obsee over one women now you are just seeking her approval to make you into a man...

A clear path......

I find myself having some difficultites..... My pick up ego still exsisist... So how do i sever it? I cant.... :( I just have to realize it as my ego... I must always go back to what i truely love... Women... I am not here to be the best or impress. I just want to experiece and enjoy women .. I truely love everything about them :) I feel it would be healthy for me to not go out with Chris due to past hurt and lies... John is a healthy path for me... Look i am going to have it come up .. Its part of my destiny.. I must disconnect though what others think of me in this area.. I MUST disconnect what others think about me in this area.. It is ego.. I am on this world once and there thoguhts or my thoughts about their thoughts about me dont matter. Let go :)

Now lets go enjoy gods gorgeously beatiful... Smelling good, smiley playful... creatuers.. Women :)

Ohh i find when people bring up my women world or i give some coaching.. My ego comes out... Just realize that its my ego... I dont have to live up to any standard.. Instead i just need to live in the moment :) you cant destroy ego... Just dont have a relationship with it ....

A limiting belief

I worry myself allot that i will fall into Entertainer man again.... Trufully i coudnt be farther from the truth... I have leaned how to switch gears and be that high value guy all the time... Like Todd says its a mix between both Bradd Pitt charachters from Meet Joe Black....
Let me do an example of back in the day vs now

I would be high energy and get attraction... I would continue be a social but i would not let her offer to the conversation.. Any silent points would be quickly filled by me in a hope that should would like me... my mission was to try to hold her attention...

Now days
I can be high energy... But i am doing it because thats is what i feel like at that moment... I quickly switch to the calibrations when i am in social groups.. I may be a tad above it but i am far from their entertainer... The girls is constally getting dismissed... push pulled and eye fucked galore... It is true i rock the party on my own boat but its the boat to be on... Its not the boat that people fear...

So rember difference now between back then is.... I dont have to be high energy... I know when to calm down... Most of the times i am calming down because that is more enjoyable for me... I do it cause then i get to know her... I am showing allot more intent... NOW days i expect her to fill in the conversation.. See before i thought i had to do all the talking... I completelly disagree with that...



Facts are is i rock a different boat then Todd. Mine is a little higher energy but now i have it much more calibrated....

Dont worry about entertainerman.. You are far from him :)

Mark

A demon t hat needs to be dealt with

I am so hard on myself. No matter what outcome a snecario has i seem to think that i suck. This may route from not having a gf in some time. Whatever the reason is this has to come to an end. I find with the girl i crush on i analze everything. I can't just say i am good enough. Well i cant live like this anymore. This month is not about improving myself> Its about enjoying who I am. I am not going to feel guilty the nights i have nothing to do. I am not going to fiugre out if i on accident bragged or insulted her. I have no control over these things. I just wanted to date her so badly that i have lost my idenity in trying to get it at times. I am going to not be hard on myself. I am not going to worry what my frat bros think of me or what the prospects think of me. Truely i don't control over any of this. I am going to begin to find all the reasons i like me. I am going to meet new women and not think about my crush. It does no good :( I am going to just enjoy myself and my life.
Mw

A way to remove social guilt

So something that i really struglle with is social guilt. I always come out of social setting feeling like i fucked something up. Usually i accsde myself of being enteratiner man. Let me discuss the easiest way to remove these thoughts. First thing is change the way you think. Meeting people is not for their enjoyoment it is for me. I am not here to see if they like me.. This will lead to a needy mindset. My mindset instead if do i enjoy talking to you. Do you carry a conversation? Do you make me laugh? Can you flirt? Can you make the interaction more fun for me? If they cant do these things then fuck them.. Never try to entertain people. Instead bring your fun and if they don't add to it then get the fuck out.... THis usually looks like ... Me being talktive then momre quiet as i wait for them to add to the conversatio.. Part of the vibe they create is whatmakes me feel like being flity ext... It is a must that they add just as much value to the conversation.. To try to guide people because they suck socially is fucking retared... dont do it... Instead enjoy your frame and if they dont add value.... then bail.... It doesnt hurt to be dismmisive as well if they are boring you or just dont talk..... Overall never and i repeat never again feel guilty in a social setting. Fuck what others think of you and enjoy your world of humans that make lke fun for you..

Cheers


Cheers,
Watson

A clear picture

My view of myself has been so puzzled lately... From being this adventerous guy to being the guy with the chicks.. I ask myself what do i want? What do i inspire to be? Lets take each

What do I want- I want an awesome girl that wants me. I want to be honest about my past and not be ashamed. I want to be honest about my epereices but i need to make it clear what that is

My past- I was a guy that learned social dynamics.. I love it and still do. I am not a pick up artist. I am not the ultimate ladys man.. I don;t care to be that.. I do care and have inspired men to push their boudaries and live lifes that are way beyond their beliefs.. I do not have much sexual history? Why? I care to share my sexual expereices with people i love. The world i come from would make fun of this? But there is no shame in choosing to be selective. I am going to begin to be honest about this with anyone who ask.. What shame is there? My past idenity would attack this.. I am not going to lie anymore about this area.. It saddens me when i do...

So what do i want now in life- A great girlfriend, a life of new expereicnes, friends to enjoy, a life of finacial abundance...

Why have i exagereated my past and been on such a idenity quest- I never understood why women found interest in me and then lost it.. I began to find ways to create false beliefs.. I look in every area and began to lie to make others view me differnt... The fact is i didnt know how to turn to a sexual gear so instead i created a past idenity that made me sound like i did.. I realize through my bootcamp that as men we are to listien to our hearts and not be ashamed that we have a penis.. Its what helps create sexual playful tension.. I am finding i dont have to be as lound anymore or get everyone to react to me... Before i though this was the only way to get the girl... Now i truelly feel one on one its a done deal.. I just listien to my heart and switch gears.. They call it intent in social dynamics and it truelly is.. Its slowing this down and just letting your physical side lead you for a bit... Looking into the goregoues dialiated eyess... Looking at her breast.. Massaging her ass ... Touching her beatifull hair.. Letting her know why you enjoy her... Touching those smotth creamy cheecks... The entertainenman decides to let them all laugh and enjoy them selfs.. Maybee its a choice he likes people happy coool.. But at times there is nothing greater then letting a girl know that you are enteratined by her beauty... That you dont want to just be a friend you want to be the guy that gets her panties wet...

As for me- I enjoy being playful but i enjoy sexual tension.. I enjoy that girl knowing that i like her :) Its not that i am obssed with sex in fact its quite the countrary.. I am lvoe with her female bipoloarity.. The way she smells, the way she trust my arms.. the ways she lets me lead her.. How she knows that with me she is safe.. This is truely why i love women :) And i want to share that with a women i care about :)

I am her fun buddy absoultey :) BUt i am her lover as well :) I didnt have this before because i didnt listiein to my intent :) THose days are far gone my friend and my need to be a ladys man really dies down...

So what now? Well i do love social dynamics but mostly i love seeing men reach their dreams.. I love to let a dude know that he is so much more then he was told he is.. I want him to know that truely he is the shit.. And that the girl he likes cant wait to be in his arm... I want dudes to know that they are limitless :)
- I am also developing a desire to build a marketing career. It is time to listien to this calling :) I will be looking for a job to make this happen..

My poker carrer is dying down :) The desire isnt there and i feel myself wanting to be out more and more... It doesnt sadden me that my poker carrer is getting less and less it excited me. I have always seen poker as a wonderful oppurtunity but the time to move on is comming soon :)

So what about europe- It will come in due time.. Why do i want to go to eurpose so bad.... I geuss i wanted to run away and sound like i was living in epic life.. The facts are i have one year of school and why not make this epic.. Not because others think its cool but because i enjoy it :)

Will i do night clubs ? Yes... But no not as a pick up artist.. Not for practice.. But for pure enjoyment of being social.... Will i go solo? No... It is hard and to be honest my heart is not there.....

Organization :) Wow this area is getting beefed up... I will be up at 9 am every morning... I am going to live off 2 calenders.. One in my room and the other on google.... I plan to do activies constally and be disiplined enough to stay on budget.. This only comes with discipline and its that time :) I will be the gym every morning :) My reading will come before i go to bed :) I said 300 pages and i meant it...

SO my wants- A completelly breath taking girlfriend, to get a marketing job, to be working towards inspriing inner confidence in men, creating a success online business that makes over 1k a month :) Dog rakeback could be that :)

WIll i play poker- Yes but not building my carrer like it used to so not as much..

In my head-- I put to much thoughts on girls i crush on.. THe fact is i am a cool dude that should not limit himself to one girl until he chooses one. Don't think about just one.. In fact just enjoy their presenence when your with them.. Be honest and always listien to your heart..

And rember dont try to impress girls.. Just impress yourself

I am truely proud of myself :)

Mark David Watson

I listien to my intent

So i pulled the trigger. Results GOod! Well i made it clear i won't go friend zone.. Thats for sure :)

Be true to what you feel. I have been trying lately to constally alter my state and not listien to my inner desire. This inner desire is what is suppose to drive me and make me get what i want... You dont force it instead you just listien to it... I have not been listening to this inner desire but that changes... Never apologize for having a penis... A man takes what he wants and doesn't apolgoize for it.... So how do you do this> you listien to what you feel and leave your ego out of it... If you truely feel sad then feel sad.. DOnt reflect on why you feel sad for this is the mind instead just accept your state.... WHen you feel happy, dont tryzle to analy eit just accept it and enjoy what is.. DOnt alter instead accept....

Idenity

So lately i have been completelly stiflled.... Why? Because i have labeled myself a pua.... This is a terrible mindset and goes against everything i believe iin..... Self amuzment and fun is what i am suppose to be living to the max and instead i am obssed with perfection..... I analzye everyting and yet i already know most these answers.. I make a vow to myself now... NO PUA and blowouts are in...... NO perfections......... Attract what you are and let everything else go.. Im not Tod, Tyler, tim i am just Mark.

In the moment and why

So lately i have been obsessing in my head. I seem to analze evyerhting and began to become in addict to peoples reaction to me. I am truely not as interested in enoying myself as much as my concer for other people liking me. I have let the I in ego become my ruler. I am reminding myself why being in your head is so terrible. You are creating identities through past experiences and finding reasons to believe you are what you produce. What this does is threaten you in the present and so you dont live in the present. Like anything change happends through taking right action in the moment. My dwelling will only take place in the moment. No thoought about my feelings or emotions of the past or what i am going to do in 15 mintues. My head is going to be free clear and most importanly in the now :)