Jesus putting rest in my heart

So i talked to johnny today and it put rest in my heart... First jesus says to love love love and i because of christ i have love in my heart : Forgive and love :)

So that night what happend was after taking the shrooms i began hullicnating... THe song train to hell was plying and i began to freak out.. I thought JOhnny was the devil..... I wanted to talk to marc G or Sean downey because i know they know JC. Johnny woudnt let me call cause he wanted to exp[lain the situation to Marc G. First.. Sadly MArc is saved as ISh so this was not an option... I Began to attack Johnny becasue i thought he was robbing me of my salvation... He pinned me down on the ground and i began to yell jesus christ is the savior of my sins...He covered my mouth because i was yelling so loud he did not want to disturb the neighbors.... I hallucinated now and thought he had a knife to me and i had to choose who my god was.... THe hallucinations told me that jesus was not my savior but i held true to my belif.... This meant that the final test which has scarred me so much was who is my savior.... At this point the hallucaiton was trying to trick me to say anything else but jesus.. since JEsus is the savior of my my sins.... he continued to cover my mouth which scared me even more....I was terrified i was going to loose my salvation.... HE enveually just let me sit their and yell since there was nothing that could be done.... The test was was i willing to die for christ? Well of course not... Christ died for me !!! So the final test was showing a knice who did i choose for my salvation -- the world or christ.... I choose christ... shorty after this took place johnny had his friend come over to watch me... HE asked me if i knew tyler but i was non respondent...

Rember that night ..... I was tested 3 times and the answer was always JESUS..... i would go further and rugther down until the final time i see the knife and i have to answer Jesus Christ.... THis is all based off JC ... my haluciation ask me was i willing to die for what i belived ... I chose Jesus .... Right after the second trial i frekaed out even more cause i felt the devil" johnny was trying to trick me". The 3rd one freaked me out so much becasue the knife is as close to my heart as it can get and i must answer jesus... at this point my mouth is compltelly covered and its like i am out of body trying to say jesus to my other self but it cant here..... At this point i dont recall what i said... jesus!!!.....

Also in my dream last night " i was freaked out about me and the 3 things i had to do" In my dream i went back to that moment with johnny and y dream self had past the test but it was very hard".... Then i felt i had to do the same...

SO the things to know... this is all based off me winning my salvation and proclaiming the name of christ.... Well luckly we dont have to do that or earn salvation becasue its a gift given by JESUS... I already have it :) These were hallucinations and completelly lies... I now feel i can move on and enjoy my relaitonship even more with CHrist :) LOVE !

Even the hallucinations in the hosptial were about winning my slavations... its why i would do awana songs and other thigns i was contally fighting for my salvation... You cant win your salvation its a gift :) AMEN!

The blessings

I want to remind myself how much Christ has done for me

First my life was saved and Marcs.. The lord protected us :)

THe lord has given me a incrediably family , Dan , nate, Mom, Dad, Grdnma, Grandpa, Dallas, Steve, Shell, jenna who have been by my side :) They have showed me christ love and it has been over whelming

THe lord is helping me combat the lies by shoing me grace and love... I know love because of Christ

A reminder to help me

I took a drug that makes me hallucinate

First night Johnny becomes the devil- the dream seem to be focued on me having to win my salvation…. Well salvation is a term from the bible and so is Jesus the devil is from the bible as well….. How can this be greater then god ? It cant be… meaning do I belive in the bible? YES and JESUS YES! Then he would not want me digging into this….

Every part of the dream has me working for my salvation…..

I followed the dream and it said it was time to die for Christ-
my own words were " ITs dime to Die for Christ" Christ does not want me dying.. It had me masterbate for Christ…. Christ woudnt want me doing these things…. Its simple it was a drug I took and it caused all of this.. All evidence backs this up even when I try to get in the state.. I have trouble cause I no longer have a drug… all I can do is give myself anxiety attacks= I took a drug that lied to me and I have to let go …

Even when i go into the deeper state which i cant even do any more- THey are all random things from my past.... It wants me hurting myself... For what? I rember one night i went as deep as i could go and then i was just stuck..... Rember to ... I believ the phone was GOd calling me .... a 4:30 in the morning! It was my alarm! Time is up is what happends when you leave the alarm on 2 long....

Everything is answered with YOUR SAVED- ITs not by works of rigeious which we can boast but according to his mercy he saved us through the washing of regneraious and the renewing of the holy spit... in esence you cant do anything for salvation its a free GIFT!!

I believd my family were evil- THey have loved me my whole life- THey believe in GOD and our fellow believers.. IF anything this drug just wants to seperate me from my family... I wont let it ... I love them to much...

Look at Jesus life it was nothing but love= Christ = love….. Christ wants his light to shine thorugh me.. I cant do that by belieing in a lie “the hallucinations”

THe last thing i ws suppose to geep going deeper and deper... I rember i get to the red zone which shows a knife- then it ends... WHat am i suppose to do kill myself?- This is terrible GOd would never want me doing that... Christ didnt even do that... HE died for our sins .... So i must let that image goo.... Rember i went as deep as i could go and even attempted to bite off my tongue... nothing really happend.. the arguent could be i didnt have enoguh faith but once again faith is a cocept from the bible... WHich comes back to ... DO i belive in the BIBLE!!! YES!!! !.... THe effects were so powerful the first night because that is when the drug was mostly in me... SO REMBER YOU TOOK A DRUG NO NOT a drug of christ.. YOU TOOK A REAL DRUG!!

Even that night with Johnny- YEs it felt demonic but how coudnt it.. He was playing terrible music... i was drugged... Of course its going to feel like an out of body experience... But rember i took a drug..

ALso these hallucinations kept changing.... one night

THat oen night- i coudnt go any farther because i didnt rember the exact passage from the bible-- ONCE AGAIN ITS ALL FROM THE BIBLE!!!! Read the word buddy ...!!! IT is joy not pain ... SO LOOK even as deep as i feel this stuff was and real.. It want me to sufer for salvation and its simple CHRIST MY TRUE LORD AND SAVIOR who came and lived the ultimate life of love and was sinless... DIED ON THE CROSS FOR MY Salvation and i plan to hold on to that truth for the remainder of my days :)

one thing that conufuses me.... the 3rd thing shows a knife .... but once again ... I AM not christ.... CHRIST DIED FOR MY mins...... HE DOES NOT Want this for me!!! I took a drug!

The request are all things from the bible - IF your eye causes you to sin gauge it out... penis you struggle with take it off.... I got the eye one straight form the bible.... one again the bible woudnt truely want me doing any of these things....

I saw my family... I became Billy christ and my dad was Ernest CHrist....It looked like my dad but wasnt..... My family is loviing here

HA so i rember now! I use to look at the sun and say things like up down left right a is to salvation.... all of it even the red zone was a thing from my past.... :) amazing the mind of a child :)
Rember i TOOK A DRUG!!

Living a life of ease

SO this is watson 2.0 i say that cause God saved me from certain death


It has me thinking allot about the lord and lfie in general... The truth is in order to honor god you have to let go of control... Dont worry true trust in jesus needs to be that ... true trust that you are saved through faith not work.... SO let go of control itsw not by works of rigeousneous that we have done but acording to his mercy he saved us through the washing of regenerious and the newing by the holy spirit.. SO ITS NOT OUR WORK.. SO let go of contorl and have a child like faith :) The same should be applied to life in gernal... Let go of others throughts about you or how people perceive you... Be a child in life.. this doesnt mean to act in appreoriate instead it means to let go of others thoughts and let true joy CHRIST LOVe shine thorugh your life :)

one WOrd YOSHI!

THE CHAos of man is not falling on me any more

So i find that most peoples concerns have nothing to do with things i care about.. Then its time i stop letting them burden me with stuff. It brings me down.. So if they concern is truely small then i should let it stay small by moving on. I am done letting other peoples issues be my burden...

Exmple

Jon- fraternity stuff-- tell him dude i dont care be direct
lex- gossip- dont care or
johny- complaning about people- just doont care-
tom - complaning about some small issue- hey i got to go
Elsie- all about her... switch topic

facts are the best way to avoid their drama is to not listien to it... Just cut them off and move on.. Dont listein to crap .. Garbrage in then garbage out...

MArk W.

Things dont have to be complicating

Atae your inentions to others and dont play around the ball... People need to be direced but trutfully they need to take responsibilty... Make them do just that by being direct...

Mark W.

my mom

My mom has been the start of an unhealthy pattern... My obsession with trying to not offend others.. Growing up my humor which was my own self amusement was constally offensive to her. I was and to this day have to watch what i say to my mom or even thought of being dismissive without the worry of her lashing out.. A good example of this was at the hospital when she was being un reasonable. I told her to calm down and she lashed out. She said never speak in that tone... My mom is so freakin easily to offend that i consally worry that i am doing it to others. I hold back from my true persoanlity because i worry that others insecuriteis will take offense to my geuine enjoyment. I need to positve reinforcemyself- I never would try to hurt peoples feeling and if it happends its on them for having that insecurity. I can no longer cater to their inseucruitries or hold back my true persoanlity cause i am worrying of being offensive.. I am not offesnive dude i am one of the most loving people on the planet.. I am done worrying about offedning others and when or if i do it im not alzyuing shit.... From practically dying i have now reealized that some people read into shit that really doesnt exsist and i have out it on me to figure out... I dont want to live this way any more.. If others take offense to me its on them...

Self love is the only true love i can give myself apart from christ

Christ is my king

Mark

A link to my depression

You cant control others thoughts about what you meant.... So i realized lately that i anayzle if i hurt others feeling or what other people are feeling allot... So why do i do this and should i do this? Hell no... You dont know what other people are feeling or how they are interpreuting what you said... People all the time misplace what you say and make it sound terrible.. Even when your intentions were goo.d Hjoneslty if they do that then let them suffer. Dont let yourself be the suffer.. Mine started because my mom is so sensitive.. WIth her you have to analyze everything or risk hurting her feelings.. SO as a young child in order to avoid conflict i did just this.. In a way it has creasted a much healthier relatiohsip but has tamed me and my hapniess. I find with people i worry if i hurt their feling or if i am being to imposing. THe facts are my intentions are good and when they come out wrong... screw it.. I am human and my stuff gets misinterpretation like the rest.. Its not my fault that some people view things in negative light when it was not my inetions.. It sucks my mom does this quite a bit but i can no longer live with a filter or worry and concern that i hurt others feelings. THe facts our im a nice guy and i would never intenionally hurt someone elses feelings but if it happends it happends. No more cattering or anyzing in order to make sure others are doing ok.. Its taking away from my own hapniess way to much... I am done looking to see if i am getting interpretred ritght... my own hapniess is just to important.. THis type of anayzling lead to me drinking and cutting myself... No more.. Live free and dont give a damn what others think of you.. Facts our im a geuninly incrediable guy and my life needs to be free from self montering.. Love myself
MW