Looking at the long run

I have traded allot in order to ban k it on the long term investment

            Being married
            Having a 60k sallary out of college
            Huge Credit card debt
            Living at my parents
           Having my own place
            Having a community
            Have no money for the past year and a half. I mean no money literally
            My body is in poor shape



Long term benefit
             I am compltelly in love with Jesus
             I have a career
             I know more about social dynamics then 99.9 % of the world
             I was a professioanl poker player
             I ran a carrer Fair
             I have a ton of amazing friends
            I have been able to bring friends to Christ
             I am extrmelly close to breaking free of finacial woes
            I am extremelly confiendt
            I have got to mentor many people
            I get to be an inpiration for others
             MY rock has been Jesus

            was it worth it...... The first one alone makes it worth it yes... Good bye Sarah you were a great friend. Congratz on being engaged
         

Allot of times i hold shame that i didnt pass every test that God does to me. I worry allot about my finances. I dont always trust God.

Its ok that i dont hit the mark. Thank you Jesus that you did. You did what i can not :) Its ok that you have slipped up at porn. Jesus didnt :)

Its ok that you freaked out when your finances have been insane. Thank you Jesus that you passed this test

Its ok that i have not been the best business man because my anxiety has gotten the best of me. That you Jesus you passed this test.

Its ok that i havent been able to perfect figure out Gods heart when it comes to humor and language. Jesus you are the heart of God.

Thank you Jesus that you taked the flawed and take the place of their flaws. Your grace is more then enough.

I wasnt the man i should of been when it comes to women. Thank you Jesus that you passed this test.

You are God and i thank you for calling me your friend.

need to move on

I have much to be thankful for and NOW is the perfect time to cieze the opportunity i have been given.

I have a producer who will be working for free for me :)
I will have an extra 1k a month for cc debt
I will have a brand new car by tommrow.

I know my financial situation has been the pits. But i need to open to my eyes and realize those days are gone. I can began to pay off debt :) Thank you God :)

My leads are comming in from bolder. Mark is ready to start gridning out on the phone.
My system are just about ready. My finances are finally in order :)

Prayer

Dear God

Thank you for all you have provided. I have a job and i will be converting. Please help me as i look to expand my business and take the most rapid approach possible. I can do the numbers all day but would just ask that you would bless my business.

Yours,
Mark

Make Lion out of men

its time to walk into my indenity as a business man. I want to be an example of how to do business.
I am about to be released and this will be a new season in my life. I plan to crush every boudary placed in my way!

Goodbye

Since the accident i have known nothing but finacials woes. Really since graduating from highschool i have been broke. The accident has cost me dearly. Quitting poker has cost me even more. I was looking back at my marks weedeating paperwork and i was astonished how driven i was at a young age. I was running a business since 11. I have found over the last year my drive business has not been to the level it needs to be. I have found that i am constally behind instead of ahead. As much as i try, money has killed me. I have had to stop eating correctly, working out, out sourcing basic task, purchasing printing materials,  drive because of gas, made phone calls, passed up business opportunities. This is about to change and i need to let go of my broke history. It scares me a bit that i will be able to afford things. I am so use to being broke. Father would you help me to let go and run towards a new life style. Would you give me a greater drive then the one i had at 11. I feel like since the accident that you dont care about my financial situation but the truth is i can do very little if i cant afford to go out. Give me a greater drive then i ever knew before and please help me to be consitant at living out this new life.

Freedom Barrier

I truly belive that our greteast strengths our the exact area the devil attacks. WHy would he attack us in a spot that doesnt matter?

I find that throughout the day i get extremlly excited and full of joy. I get excited for my job and all the sudden i jack off. I am amazed at how i choose to run from the thing i want to do . When i am most excited, i need to chnnel this energy and take advantage of it instead of going into self destrutive mode.

Also, pornograpghy must come to an end. Look what it is going to cost my life. Even now i cant see women as preatty creatures but as sex toys. I spend more time looking at naked women then i do seeing them clothes. I am robbing myself and this is theft in my life. I am going to harm my wife if God even allows me to have one. How do i beat this sickness? First i must admit i am powerless here. Jesus i cant beat this my nature cant stop sinning. Would you help me?

2) I need to get covenant eyes. I need accontability.

3) I need to remind myself frequently what i am fight for! I want to be an amzing father and husband. I want to be an amazing man and how can i be these thigns by pursing death. I want to bring joy instead of sorrow to the holy spirit in this area.   Holy spirit please help me

God and Freedom

Everynight i ask God that when i die and meet him. It will be embracing my best friend whom i have deeply experienced so much of.

I have found that the hunt for Gods heart is a Bold walk that puts your faith fully in him. God has made me challenge allot of my religious belief and is showing me that true salvation in this life is letting go. Letting go that salvation is my job. I have been letting go of legalism and playing with new ideas that i would of thought was tabuic befroe. To truly be deep with Christ we have to  let christ lead us. One thing i have found is that when my old spirit begans to tell me what if you go to hell for this. I am reminded that i have no say in my salvation only Jesus does. In order to let Jesus lead we have to take bold leapes that may challenge the way we live and the way we see Jesus.

To be trully free in Chrit we have to fully emrace what the cross meant. It means God cant look at our sins. God literally has no ability to see me for what i truly am. This allows me to have his spirit of boldness and risk taking because if i am to truly know Christ deeply i have to let go of all that i am and let him transform me. I am finding more and more it is his job to do this not mine. My old selfs seeks to tell Christ how he is going to save me and secrely tries to carry the burden on my own. Sadly my old man wants to be Christ. Forunutaly Christ sees this old man and redeems me anyways.

My point is if you want to truly know Gods heart let go. Dont worry if you miss the mark at times. God loves the fact you are willing to be bold and possibly mess up to know his heart.

Death to legaism ...

Thankyou

Dear Jesus

Thankyou!
My life has been one heck of a roller coaster since the accident. From quitting poker which you arranged. Thankyou for bringing Carrie into my life in order to allow me to graduate.

Thankyou for bringing Andrew into my life right when i needed him. I was at my breaking point and thought i would never recover from the accident. Jesus i just asked for my sanity back and you have given me so much more. I well never forget the day Andy came up to me at CR and ask me if i had a terrible experience with you while hallucinating.. Thankyou what shame that brought to my life. Thankyou for releashing that shame and turning it into your glory.

Thankyou for turning terrible situations into glory. Only you have the power to do that. You are a true redeamer with a redeaming heart. Help me to be more like that.

Ha lets move on to taking the Farmers Job. I know you were with me the night WE decided to choose farmers. Thanks for making it so clear. Who knew how bad i would need that in order to get through the tough trials. Jesus i dont think i wold of stuck through all the pain if you didn't give me that night at Sac state. I needed you extrmelly close and you were.. Thanks for walking as my best buddy

Thanks for expanding my comfort zone beyond belief. I am proud of how far you have taken me. I never thought i would be able to go solo in so many areas of my lilfe . From making phone calls by myself, to walking to apartment complex manager by my self. I run aplintment by myself. I always needed another human with me and now i can do it alone. Thank you for making me so bold. Thankyou for putting rest in my life.

Thanks for the bcf. Going from being the biggest loser in the faternity to the leader of the faternity. Unreal. I remember the night i decided to refollow you. I said "God i'm all in but please dont make me into one of those jerk chrisitans" Wow was i wrong. Trufully in my heart i thought i would be the most disliked guy in the fratnerity.. Unreal your sense of humor to make me the most popular.

Thank you for living a life worth living. Thanks for setting the example for me. Thanks for promising me that night in Sac that you will never leave me. You know you say this life is by faith but truly father you made the first move. Thank you for showing a blind man to light. You truly are God and I owe you everything.

Jesus thankyou for pushing me out of my comfort zone so hard. Truly i coudnt do any of the these things without you. Allot of times i dont like being pushed but after words i am stoaked you did it. I would like to switch my mind set to looking forward to being pushed so proactive versus reactive. Help me in this area.

Thanks for you !

Get close to Jesus

The goal of my life is simple. Becomming extremlly intimiate with Jesus. Want to stop worying about salvation? Wan to stop lusting? want to stop worying? .... Simply get intimiate with Jesus... Nothing else ... Is greater in this life ... Seek me with all your heart and you will fine me......

Man Needs a God Vision

God cares about the heart and that we walk in Faith! How can we walk in faith if God has no purpsoe for us! Just look at every characther in the bible and how GOes has huge plans for them but they had to walk in faith into Gods purpose for them. You want to steal the joy out of a christians life? Start by telling them that God has no vision for their life. Describe the Christian life is just getting saved and then trying to survive the earth without pissing Gof of in order that he hopefully lets you into Heven. This is BULL CRAP! God has a vision and he uses us to reflect his purpose!
LEts make this more personl. Seeing how i am the only one that actually reads this blog :) The vision i belive GOd has for my life is teaching men how to meet their wife. How to be socially inclined. I see such a need for this escpially for Christian dudes. Our cultural is in total slavery when it comes to the opposite sex. Men worhsip women and view them as the greatest event in their life. I want to first open mens eyes to the lie in this and also encourage them to see that their journey is much greater then the women. I also want to teach men the inner game when it comes to meeting women! What a need to help get out a huge amount of lies that men have when it comes to attracting women! I want to help!

It excites my heart so much. Walking up the podium and teaching men something that was never taught to me! Praise God it wasnt. I woudnt know all this if it was for him! You make all things work to gether for your good!
I cant wait to fly all over the US teaching men! Men need freedom in this area desperatly! The idea of living out my purpose brings rest and joy to my heart! God please confirm what is activity exciting in my heart. Please protect me from the devil who would look to steal my job and vision.

Also, when it comes to humor and lanugue. I think i know why it is such a burden on my heart. If i am going to teach other men, i need to get this one right. God please guide me as i study your view on cuss words and on humor. There is very little when it comes to this area and most christians just refuse to ignore on not take someone elses advice even though its studying very little. I want to walk boldly here and get your heart when it comes to humor and lanuguage. Father also when it comes to my speech, because i am in such a grey zone in my heart i am going to ask that i ask for forgivness at the end of the day instead of everything i do a grey zone area. I ask for this extended grace because i'm not sure im sinning and i feel like everytime i hit a great joy i must be in sin. I literally am trained to feel like crap when i feel good. This is not of you! Jesus please set me free here and continue to awaken my heart!

Love you,

Mark D. Watson
A proud servant of Jesus Christ!

Chasing an Epic Life

Paul talks about running the race in the bible and i want to run it to the fullest! I am quitting Diablo 3 because there is better things i am doing with my time. 1) I can invest more time in my relatioship with Jeff. Jeff needs a true friend and i want to be that friend to Jeff 2) The work i sow now in my business could reap a huge reward down the road. God has me in a season of dedication and focus. I need to be a master time manager. I need to be on a schedule and allow my self healthy rest. My full eforts need to go into owning an insurance agency and i cant give them when i am truely focued on video games 3) what benefit does the game give me? I feel like crap the next day. I am just killing the same guys over and over again. I dont see it creating unity between my friend as much as it creates poor moments. I see all our sleep paterns gone to the pits. Loren and Beiege are both utterly depressed. 4) I can be a better example to beiege and Loren. They can see my life and the blessings God has poured in my life and the character that he has built for me by following him. They may look up to me and by looking up to me questions the source of my strength :) 5) I dont feel like this is a matter that is non bibical to play but instead God has a greater journey for my life 6) I can be a better friend to Tom. He needs an ecourager and someone to lift him up! I can be that friend! 7) I will be much more organized and get to spend more time with my family! 8) My brother Dan and Nate are at cross roads and need my encouragment 9) Dallas is going through a tough time and i can be there for him more 10) Leigh needs help finding a job and i can be there for him. THere is to many awesome reasons that our way the benefit of playing. No more diablo 3 for this guy :)

Salvation

For a long time i have struggled with the idea of how do you get salvation and can you loose it? Lets start with the biggest question in human history. How are you going to be saved from eternal Damnation? The answer is Jesus Christ. In the bible it says if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and belive in your heart you are saved. Plain and simple? Lets break each down. Confess with your mouth? This is confessing out loud that Jesus is the Lord of your life. THis part seems very plain and simple. Believe in your heart? This can be a bit more of a challenge. The challenge with the heart is it is our true desire. Humans we decieve are self because our heart is wicked. We act like our intentions are good but inwordly we have a hidden selfish agenda. You have to truly belive that you are a sinner. That you and God are on opposite spectrums. That you are in a pit of your destruction for the wages of your life. You have to belive that Jesus Christ trumps every thing else in your life. That Jesus now rules your life. If you truly belive this. You are saved In regards to the rich man that ends up going to hell. He rejects that he is a sinner and he decided that his wealth trumps Jesus Christ. Once Saved the battle of eternal destinys is over! You cannot do any work or not do any work that will condem you or change Gods view on you. I dont care what anyone tells you! God loves you not because of your merits which are as good as a tampon rag but becasue of his son who died for you. Now that you are saved lets talk about works We dont memic Christ because if we dont he will toss us into hell. We mimic Christ beccause he is our true love. He is our greatest desire and to want to be opposite of Christ would be like hating your best friend for no reason. Take a great leader if you have been lucky enough to meet one. You dont follow this leader because he guilts you into following him. You follow him because he insires you and you want to be more like that leader. Which way is better to view Christ? As he guilts us through life in order that we meet his stadard and hopefully get saved? Or He is our true joy and enthusaim. His action make us want to be a better man and we follow his lead in order that we can be the light of the world. When we slip, he doesnt guilt us but instead lifts us to his level even though we dont derserive it! To describe him as the first is what are old father SATAN DID! We literally describe Jesus as Satan when we say we can loose our salvation. Imagine the pressure we are in when we belive that we Must meet GODS standard and at any point he may toss us into hell. What a terrible father and that is what is Satan is! So can you loose your salvation? Apsolutely not! What is the point of the cross if your salvation is based on your merits? Did God say it is almost finished! Mark you finish the rest of my work ! No! God purpose is to be glofied! Gods death on the cross is the glorification. Not mans work. We would love to takes Gods glory which every other religion in the word does and say that we had a part in our salvation. We earned it because we lived holy. That is what the Jews belive and they are the one that Jesus gets the most upset about. Jesus truly wants your heart and he will do the rest. Not your actions. Jesus will mold your action because he inspires you To sumarize as you read the bible you will be challenged at time to see sections as if its by our merits. Just rembmer the cross and study that verse in greather detail. You will find it usualy paul reffering to running the race and rececing prizes from God in heaven.

Freedom

Hey God I have read these past blogs especially pre accident and it makes me want to vomit..... How sad i thought that i could find freedom without you! MY messages are just me continuously being by bipolar about what women think of me. WHat amazes me is i don't really think about women much. Thank you for setting me free of this lie! You are truly live up to your word "I come to give you life and give it to you abundantly" THis is what you have done. Father what I would ask for is simply a purpose driven life. I Desperately want to be used for your kingdom. You say the Harvest is plentiful but the workers are few'. Well here i am dad and i'm all yours. I know i am promised nothing in life but i would ask before i Die i would be used for your glory. I have a heart towards college and after college students. It breaks my heart that adults dont really reach out to this group. In fact i have seen them do the opposite. Father would you use me to impact the age group that is going to define our future? I also have a desire to teach people on social dynamics. Really about their heart when it comes to social dynamics. I like so many of my christian men have found the women of church to be quite dull. I think this is unacceptable and i want to see change. WOuld you allow me to be the catlyst toward change for men and women! Father i know your in a war AND I WANT IN! Please use me as a leader in your battle. Father truly i dont care about the money i make in this life. WHatever i have may it be used for you kingdom. Teach me and thank you that you have allowed me to call you dad, Your Soldier, Mark David Watson

To much Thinking

Hey Dad

Lately my brain has been feeling exhausted.
I find it hard to rest because my head is thinking non stop theology.
I am playing constantly with ideas on grey zone areas to the point it
is taking the joy out of my heart.

It is skewing my feeling toward you and making me view you as a legalistic father that
has no compassion on his kids.

I keep thinking that I dont find out the perfect answer and change imitely then you will stop loving me and even worse you will toss me into hell.

Father would you release me of this addiction when it comes to thinking non stop theology. Would you help me destroy this perfectionist mindset.
Would you show me your love towards me and cushion me with rest and peace.

I plan to take a month off deep subject against and just walk and talk with you.

Your servant,
Mark