Goodbye

Since the accident i have known nothing but finacials woes. Really since graduating from highschool i have been broke. The accident has cost me dearly. Quitting poker has cost me even more. I was looking back at my marks weedeating paperwork and i was astonished how driven i was at a young age. I was running a business since 11. I have found over the last year my drive business has not been to the level it needs to be. I have found that i am constally behind instead of ahead. As much as i try, money has killed me. I have had to stop eating correctly, working out, out sourcing basic task, purchasing printing materials,  drive because of gas, made phone calls, passed up business opportunities. This is about to change and i need to let go of my broke history. It scares me a bit that i will be able to afford things. I am so use to being broke. Father would you help me to let go and run towards a new life style. Would you give me a greater drive then the one i had at 11. I feel like since the accident that you dont care about my financial situation but the truth is i can do very little if i cant afford to go out. Give me a greater drive then i ever knew before and please help me to be consitant at living out this new life.

Freedom Barrier

I truly belive that our greteast strengths our the exact area the devil attacks. WHy would he attack us in a spot that doesnt matter?

I find that throughout the day i get extremlly excited and full of joy. I get excited for my job and all the sudden i jack off. I am amazed at how i choose to run from the thing i want to do . When i am most excited, i need to chnnel this energy and take advantage of it instead of going into self destrutive mode.

Also, pornograpghy must come to an end. Look what it is going to cost my life. Even now i cant see women as preatty creatures but as sex toys. I spend more time looking at naked women then i do seeing them clothes. I am robbing myself and this is theft in my life. I am going to harm my wife if God even allows me to have one. How do i beat this sickness? First i must admit i am powerless here. Jesus i cant beat this my nature cant stop sinning. Would you help me?

2) I need to get covenant eyes. I need accontability.

3) I need to remind myself frequently what i am fight for! I want to be an amzing father and husband. I want to be an amazing man and how can i be these thigns by pursing death. I want to bring joy instead of sorrow to the holy spirit in this area.   Holy spirit please help me

God and Freedom

Everynight i ask God that when i die and meet him. It will be embracing my best friend whom i have deeply experienced so much of.

I have found that the hunt for Gods heart is a Bold walk that puts your faith fully in him. God has made me challenge allot of my religious belief and is showing me that true salvation in this life is letting go. Letting go that salvation is my job. I have been letting go of legalism and playing with new ideas that i would of thought was tabuic befroe. To truly be deep with Christ we have to  let christ lead us. One thing i have found is that when my old spirit begans to tell me what if you go to hell for this. I am reminded that i have no say in my salvation only Jesus does. In order to let Jesus lead we have to take bold leapes that may challenge the way we live and the way we see Jesus.

To be trully free in Chrit we have to fully emrace what the cross meant. It means God cant look at our sins. God literally has no ability to see me for what i truly am. This allows me to have his spirit of boldness and risk taking because if i am to truly know Christ deeply i have to let go of all that i am and let him transform me. I am finding more and more it is his job to do this not mine. My old selfs seeks to tell Christ how he is going to save me and secrely tries to carry the burden on my own. Sadly my old man wants to be Christ. Forunutaly Christ sees this old man and redeems me anyways.

My point is if you want to truly know Gods heart let go. Dont worry if you miss the mark at times. God loves the fact you are willing to be bold and possibly mess up to know his heart.

Death to legaism ...