An ephinay of Ephinays

So i got stood up again.... It got me sad and it got me thinkin about the post i made at DSP retreat. The post was completlely depressing and about how i would always fail at women.. I was a real negative nancy :) The first thing that hit my midn after getting stood up was ... I give up.... I have tried to be this guy that girls like... I limit my humor and myself in order to create what i feel they want... geuss what.. that is exactely the mindset of an entertaimer man... See entertainer man is not living his life for himselelf. he has to constally figure himself out and calibrate... The truth is your life will suck in all areas until you let go of this idenity... To try to impress or to hold your persoanlity back in the name of women is a terrible thing.... Tyler says when you get this figured out "thats its all in your head" is the moment you see just how stupid that is... A part of me thinks that if i just be myself i will resort to acting crazy like some of my experiences in the club.. Well trufully allot of my time in the club was as entertainerman.. I wasn't there for my own fun.. I was there to look for aproval.. For instance me and Johnny were lauhing at the fact that we woudnt allow ourselfs to hang with friends at the club because that would be chode crystaling.. We put rules to everything we did... When you do this... You are automactically a entertainer man.. The picture i saw last night was with the girls i have crushed on with Another man who they were laughing with.. There was no need for seducation.. His enjoyment of his life was what she was falling for.. Not such well played seduction routine that she followed... So i say goodbye.. To a world of constant seeking of aproval, a world of constally questioning who i am .. A world of contant and depress plees for ephianys, a world of holding back from who i am... I give up caring what people think of me :)... My joy needs no ones stamp of approval.. I am Mark David Watson